Mortality Bites

I have been away from here, and will be for some time, as I help my mother through a patch of sudden bad health. It's been a challenge to put myself in the role of caregiver, to try to deal with my frustrations about having to put my own feelings (and plans) aside while not stifling them to the point where I become a total bitch. I wasn't prepared for how unsettling it can be to see someone who's spent so much of my life being the one in control, suddenly dependent on me. It's a role reversal I knew I would probably have to deal with at some point, and I hope I have the grace to accomplish it.

My mother will probably be well again this time, but one of these days she won't get well again and while it may seem morbid to reflect on it, I have gotten the slightest taste of what that might be like and I suppose that's a good thing. But I know I'm not ready. I'm not ready to be an orphan. I'm not ready to be next.

There's so much going on but it's all being put on the left back burner for now. I suppose I'll have to do a massive brain dump at some point. Stay well, my friends...I'll post when I can.